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Dear Reader, all content is only meant as (hopefully) funny and entertaining veterinary news. This is not real veterinary advice. Please let me know if you feel any of the content is offensive.
Introducing ApoChocolate! The pet-safe chocolates for your special someone.
This Christmas season, show your special someone you care about them and their furry friend. New ApoChocolates are the first pet safe chocolates made and distributed exclusively through WeeklyVetNews Distributors. Each exquisite morsel contains faint traces of apomorphine in direct proportion to their methylxanthine content, and will induce emesis if excess methylxanthines are consumed. What does all this nerd-speak mean? It means if your lover's furry companion sneaks into the chocolate box, ApoChocolate will safely, and efficiently, expel the chocolate back out. And for the true chocolate lover, try ApoDark, the dark chocolate with extra apomorphine power.
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Coming soon, ApOnions and ApoVacado; at grocers everywhere in the dog, cat, and bird friendly produce aisle.
God Decides to Increase Cats’ Lives from 9 to 12
In response to pressure from animal rights groups God decided to add 3 more lives to the average cats’ existence. “I get it”, God stated. “too many of the felines get hit by cars and fall out of high rise windows. Old cat ladies complained the most. I guess by adding 3 more lives felines might stick around a little longer. The only alternative would have been to add more neurons to their brains so they could be less accident prone, but the heavenly dog lobby objected to that”.
Large Sausage Smuggling Operation Successful due to Delay in Government Transition
The delay in the transition to the new administration after the 2020 election has been affecting law enforcement agencies, the TSA and border patrol allowing for widespread smuggling of sausage products into the country. The infamous “Berlin Cartel”, a network of organized dog families in northern Germany sent containers filled with everything from Krakauers and brats to pickled tripe through unprotected East Coast ports, allowing for easy access to product for domesticated as well as stray dogs in the US.
“Our streets are being flooded with delicious smelling meet products” a TSA spokesman stated. “Especially our young dog population might develop an addiction to European beef and pork. They might not be satisfied with mass produced cheap pet foods anymore. Imagine the economic hit that the pet food industry will have to absorb.”
Meanwhile canine advocacy groups all over the country continued to lobby congress to allow for recreational use of at least German and Polish sausage products, stating: “We want culinary satisfaction.”
Congress seems divided. While the Democrat controlled House appears sympathetic to at least the medicinal use of European meat products the Republican controlled Senate worries about socialist Wieners and curry wursts leading to an overall decline of 'Kentucky Fried Chicken' influenced fast food cuisine.