Arboreal Dachshunds spotted in Upper Midwest


Do to worsening climate change the arboreal (living in trees) dachshunds that used to be only encountered in southern states have been spotted more frequently as far north as Duluth, MN. The rare species lives off surprised squirrels and the occasional songbird and only leaves the tree canopy for elimination and the occasional foraging for left over barbecue brats once every two weeks.













​​

Canadian authorities raised concerns, that this “invasive species” could endanger the local Marijuana crop once the canines develop a taste for hemp flavored squirrels and rabbits.




Napa Valley Gold Medal Winner Especially for Dachshund Owners

Has your dachshund raided the neighbor’s garbage? Bit the postman? Attacked the UPS driver? Do you just feel guilty OWNING a dachshund?














The “Regretful Dachshund Riesling” as a well timed gift during the Christmas season will at least provide you with the opportunity to apologize to your canine’s victims in style.



Points were deducted from Marlow’s performance after he accidentally fractured his owner’s pelvis while humping his leg rhythmically to the beat of Maurice Ravels’ “Bolero”.

The philosophy of Imouserel Katt and the Me-ow Too Movement of the 21st century

by Dr. Spaz


The striking emergence of the Me-ow Too Movement at every level of society and professional interaction has led this surgeon to consider the work of famed Imouserel Katt (18th century philosopher).  Katt believed that reason is the wellspring of morality.  It follows that Katt’s moral philosophy involves organizing, protecting and recommending concepts of right and wrong comportment.  We in the veterinary field are poised to assist with the maintenance of this moral philosophy involving cats and dogs.

















Following Katt’s argument, we can well see how the systematic disparagement, aggravation and overt infliction of harm by the canine world on the feline world has led to calls for justice and rectitude. 
Dogs chasing cats with impunity—this is not acceptable.  Dogs slobbering on cats without their consent—this must come to an end.  And dogs receiving grander treatment and compensation than cats—this smacks of a clear affront to what is right.

Our society, our politics must abide both species.  Our institutions must be commanded, supported and defended by the common citizen, to
uphold right and impede wrong for both dogs and cats.  As Timothy Snyder advises in On Tyranny: Twenty Lessons from the Twentieth Century, “It is institutions that help us preserve decency….They need our help as well.  Institutions do no protect themselves.  They fall one after another unless each is defended from the beginning.”

This humble surgeon begs your benevolence during this foray into philosophy and the politics of species.  In the next month’s issue of Weekly Veterinary News, more on the effervescent surgery world.

​How does a Pets’ Name Affect its Social Status?​



This was a question asked in a discussion forum at the latest “Aspen Pet Ideas Festival”. Does naming your hamster Montgomery provide him extra recognition and status in the hamster community? Are female rabbits named Victoria more successful in the workplace? These were issues the panel discussed. The general consensus was that pugs with the middle name of Mortimer were 34 % more likely to get hired by major financial investment companies. And poodles named Annabelle broke through the glass ceiling at even more astounding rates. Not a single Maggie was on Goldman Sachs’ payroll in 2017, while 7 Annabelles achieved a position in at least middle management. No conclusions were drawn from the fact that Agatha, a gerbil from Newark, NJ, recently joined the Apple® board, being in charge of AI development, stating that a sample size of one is not sufficient.


​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​Weekly Veterinary News   (funny veterinary news and advice)

   


      .                 

“So You Think You Can Hump” TV show Tops Ratings


CBS stormed to the top of latest ratings with its new hit show “ So you think you can hump”. In a close competition Gordo, a 5yr old Chihuahua from Laredo, TX, beat Marlow, a 3 year old French Mastiff from St. Paul, MN (featured below after hearing the judges’ announcement).




            ​Spring Edition