The Liver

The liver gained prominence in wide parts of the US at the time of prohibition. While having been at the forefront of coping with the effects of alcoholism for decades the liver was only fully understood and appreciated after the 18th amendment (prohibition) to the US constitution was passed. 

An organ all of a sudden out of work raised serious concerns for labor relations affecting the inner workings of the human body. Disagreements between the kidneys and the liver eventually led to the issue being picked up by congress in 1933, leading to the repeal of prohibition. 

The liver immediately started to reestablish itself as the dominant detoxifying force in the abdomen, having to deal with increasing alcohol consumption and the rise of Nazi Germany.

The Brain

Long admired as “the brains” of the organization, new revelations by whistleblower organs showed that this so called leader of the central nervous system does not always live up to the hype surrounding it.

“During the strike of the sensory organs (eyes, ears and nose) in the nineties, it became obvious that the brain’s ability to be the alpha organ was seriously compromised,”, the stomach stated in an interview for “Modern Organ” magazine. “All this talk about leading us through abstract thought was pretty pathetic. I did not get a decent meal for days. If it hadn’t been for the hands taking over, rummaging through the fridge, we might have starved.” 

The prostate chimed in, “half the time I feel the ovaries and the penis are in charge anyway. No reasoning supersedes them organs.”

The ongoing battle between left and right hemispheres did not help the brain’s image either and the pituitary gland even thought about leaving the brain altogether and signing with a different body cavity for the 2018 - 19 season. 

Improvement in the design of the frontal lobes might bring much needed stability to bodies all over and the amygdala promised to provide additional emotional balance.

The Teeth

Hard working, but under appreciated. This sums up the fate of these intrepid fighters that inhabit the mouth. “Biting into all this crap that our hosts eat sounds easier than it is”, a dog’s upper 3rd premolar voiced in a recent interview. “Pig hooves as chew toys??? And antlers? Liver flavored tooth paste to keep us clean? Get a life.” 

As the hardest structures in dogs’ and cats’ mouths the teeth also have to cope with bad breath, a slobbery tongue and the constant secretions of saliva. “Man, this is like being water boarded,” an incisor chimed in. “You are in the middle of an afternoon nap, and these obnoxious salivary glands feel like they are the Niagara Falls. Time to get in a fistfight and be put out of our misery.”

Teeth are considered an endangered organ due to excess sugar consumption and resulting cavities.

Lungs


Having been put in charge of providing oxygen to the body, the lungs questioned this decision as early as the 1950s. Post 2nd world war labor laws empowered organs all over the world. While realizing the importance and significance of being entrusted with this important mission, the lungs did question the legitimacy of forced labor brought upon them by archaic physiologic requirements. The lungs actively lobbied for gills taking over at least part of the workload even in mammals. 

Lawsuits brought by the brain eventually settled the matter and in the 1960s the lungs eventually agreed to the required workload after being guaranteed a steady supple of marijuana inhalation during the hippie movement. Over the last decades the lungs have been involved in a continuous legal battle with the tobacco industry, playing an important part in the out of court settlements between the states and major tobacco companies.

Kidneys (the Forgotten Heroes of the Abdomen)

Imagine dealing with bodily liquids that the body wants to get rid of ‘All Day Long’! Granted, due to the fact that there are 2 kidneys this could at least be described as shared misery, but the fact that the most important job of the kidneys is to excrete junk does not create much of a wow factor. 

They are admired by the bladder, which would basically be unemployed without the kidneys doing their job. In the latest polls of the most revered abdominal organs the kidneys achieved a dismal approval rating of 23 %. Only the colon ranked lower at 17 % (polled were 412 Democrats and 419 Republicans, margin of error +/- 3 %; in a separate poll Libertarians approved of the kidney’s job performance 73% of the time, acknowledging the organ’s reduction of overall government and bodily waste).

 Stomach

“We have had enough. Dry dog food laced with all these flavoring substances is just appalling”. This has been the battle cry of stomachs in most parts of the country for the last years. The constant in and out of subpar food products led to protests by stomachs that started in the upper Midwest, but quickly engulfed both coasts as well. The lack of culinary satisfaction pushed the organs to increased frequency of vomiting as a way to voice their displeasure. Negotiations with the colon and rectum broke down after these failed to agree to cooperate with diarrhea, stating “that by the time we get the food it all looks the same anyway”. 

Stomachs also blamed the brain for their too rational approach of emphasizing caloric intake over more pleasant digestive options. In response brains threatened stomachs with expulsion from the body which quieted discontent at least temporarily. The 2014 labor contract guaranteeing at least 10 % of food provided in the form of table scraps might be an important part of a long term solution to the issue.

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The Prostate


The prostate became part of our pets’ anatomy after the Spanish civil war, having overcome the Franco years. Following a larger calling it shed the shackles of fascism indulging in the induction of “Benign Prostate Hyperplasia” (prostate enlargement).  What an opportunity for an organ not being blessed by outward beauty or the chance of being easily recognizable as an integral part of the bodies’ anatomy. Being engaged in the creation of something bigger and a final believe in the greater good for organs everywhere, the prostate rose up to the challenge… it embraced the urinary/reproductive tract as something to cherish…     

  Even today the prostate still is nestled comfortably in the pelvic canal enjoying its close proximity to the colon.